Friday 1st June 2012- The First Post

So the big day is here! Waking up this morning I felt a combination of dread and excitement (and exhaustion from driving back from Hay Festival at midnight!) Just to think, today really could be the start of the rest of my life. It’s going to be a huge task; it requires a lot of effort and work, but hell, it’s going to be worth it.

So I’ll start off by saying where I am now. I’m 17st 2lb (240lb), which is 44lb away from where I want to be in 365 days’ time. I haven’t been the Church in months, although I do pray every night. I’m seeing my family tomorrow, and am going to see my friends tonight. I’m not particularly down in the dumps today; it’s been a bit too busy for that and it’s the Bath Spa University Summer Ball later this evening. But this blog isn’t about “how I feel today”, it’s about finding something that maintains that feeling of excitement and luck that you’re alive.

So here is a reiteration of this blog’s Mission Statement (which you can also find in the tabs at the top of the site):

Mission Statement

The mission of emilysrenovationproject.com is to chronicle my journey from who I was on Friday 1st June 2012, to the person I will be on Saturday 1st June 2013.

In those 365 days I want to:

• Lose weight. I will get down to 14 stone (that’s 196 lb).
• Be healthier. I want to have clear skin, strong hair, and strong white teeth. I want to be strong within my own body too.
• Have a beautiful home. I want my home (“The Annexe”) to be clean and set up as close as possible to how I want it (without breaking my rental conditions).
• Be more organised. If I say I’m going to do something, I want to complete it. I do not want to live in a chaotic house, rush to get ready, be late, lose papers/keys/etc anymore.
• Have a happier, more wholesome social life. I will be a better friend and relative.
• Be a better Christian.
• Achieve a minimum of a 2:1 in my Creative Writing degree at Bath Spa University.
• Find something that makes me feel the day was worth living and that I am lucky to be me.

So the real end goal is that I will be:

• Happier and have a more positive outlook on life.
• More interested, passionate and excited about life; I want to want to get up in the mornings.
• Living a more wholesome life.

And I will:

• Upload an inspirational, motivational or thought-provoking post every day.
• Upload a “What’s been happening this week?” post every Sunday.
• Do something new or challenging every day for a calendar month.

So what am I going to do to achieve this?

Action Plan

• Lose weight.

This one is pretty simple. To lose weight, I must stop eating so much food and exercise more. I love baking and cooking, but often since starting University (and having two jobs and a reasonable social life) I find I’ve just got a snatched half an hour for meals. I need to plan ahead, to make double portions of refrigerate-able healthy meals to just pop in the microwave. I’ve got a few cookbooks for making fast, healthy meals, and there are so many fantastic recipes and TV shows online.

I’m not confident enough (yet!) for the gym or swimming pool (although I must admit I don’t quite understand why people drive to a gym in order to run on a machine for twenty minutes…?) but my landlady’s dog always needs walking, so it would be nice to get out and see the Somerset countryside and lose weight at the same time. I also ride weekly, which I can tell you is a work out if you’ve got a good instructor!

It’s less than a pound a week that I have to lose, and I’d rather do it slow and steady and keep the weight off than lose loads in one go then put it back on within a month of this project finishing. I want to make this an enjoyable lifestyle change. I’ve been fat for a decade, a few more months really isn’t going to make that much of a difference in the long run.

• Be healthier.

This links in with the losing weight, but mainly it entails eating lots of good food rather than bad, making sure I stick to the skin care regime, not damaging my hair with straighteners, following my strict tooth care rules, and exercising so that I don’t feel weak and exhausted when I walk up the stairs. I sleep very badly, and have all my life, so I need to start keeping a sleep record and possibly visit a doctor.

• Have a beautiful home.

This one is a bit tricky because there are so many things I’d love to do to my home but I can’t because it’s rented. I should start by describing the place: The Annexe is a converted grain store in the garden of the village shop. It’s about half the size of your average classroom, with a tiny kitchen in one corner, a walled in shower/loo/sink in another, and my bed, wardrobe, table and six bookcases make up the rest. It’s very tall and beamed, and the majority of the wall space is natural stone. It has no central heating or double glazing, but I survived this winter so it’ll be fine! The only furniture I’ve added is five bookcases. Everything else the landlady put in there, and I can’t change no matter how inefficient the use of space is. The main plans I have for The Annexe are:

1. Giving it a deep clean, and ridding it of mould.
2. Creating a clever, space-saving filing and storage system.
3. Having a “display” of mason jars with ingredients in them.
4. Creating photo and postcard displays on a few walls (but not too overpowering).
5. Slimming down everything I own to what I really need or love.
6. Making the general feel of the house to be a snug sanctuary.

• Be more organised.

I need a better filing system, and I need to learn to shred papers as soon as I don’t need them, rather than letting them pile up. I need to utilise folders and have efficient pots of pens and papers dotted about. I need to keep on top of my ironing and washing, and wash all cutlery up by the time I go to bed. I need to have a morning or afternoon for general house work and for cleaning out the car, and I need to get my clothes out the night before so I’m not scrabbling around in the mornings. Anything that I haven’t used for a while I need to sell or throw. I need to make sure I go through the cupboards before the fortnightly food shop so I don’t buy double, and keep an on-going shopping list so I don’t forget something and have to make another trip. Most of all, I need to establish one time in the morning to get up, so my body can get used to it and my sleeping pattern can stabilise.

• Have a happier social life.

Whilst I have a good circle of friends, I know that if one of my bookcases fell over and buried me, I probably wouldn’t be found for a fortnight or more, and then probably only from the smell. I know it’s my own fault for being such a recluse, but it needs to change. I need to arrange more socials, and just accept that sometimes people can’t make it or don’t want to. I need to accept that people don’t go to you; you have to be the driving force. However, I don’t want to go overboard.

I also want to be a better relative, which means doing my best to make my parents proud and making the effort to keep in touch with my little sister more.

• Be a better Christian.

I need to start going to Church every week when possible, continuing saying my prayers every night and make sure I act in a good way all the time. Whilst we’re on the subject, I would like to make it clear I am not a homophobic, bigoted Bible basher. I’m just a normal girl, a Christian from an atheist background.

• 2:1 degree in Creative Writing

I so, so badly want to make my parents proud, and my teachers. I also really want to make the most out of what I’m being taught, so that maybe one day I can hold my head up high and say “Yes, I’m Emily, I’m a published writer”.

• Find something worth living for.

This is the hardest out of all my objectives, because it’s more than just discovering a new passion. It really is about feeling every day that life is really good, that I’m lucky to be me, that I’m happy and strong. I want to feel excited again, to wake up and be glad about it.

Since I was 17, the only time I’ve ever felt that was when I was travelling. And on a student budget I really can’t afford it, which makes me feel trapped and restless. I can’t even afford to go away in the UK (which I firmly believe is one of the best places to go on holiday). I would love to sell all my things, drop my degree and take a bag to the nearest airport. My reasons for not doing that are: 1) I’m two years into this degree, and I have invested in it more time, money and pain than I care to think about. I am not giving it up now for anything. 2) There is a really strong part of me that wants a nice cottage with a nice garden and a spare room turned into a Library in a nice village or small town. I can’t achieve that dream if I don’t get on the career ladder. Still, I’m not saying “no” to a second gap year, just “it’s not likely”. And hey, once I start earning full-time again, I should be able to go away during my annual leave. And yet the heart wants what the heart wants.

When I was dating I was very happy. But I stopped during my A Levels three years ago and haven’t gotten back on the horse since. Still, as someone who is so fiercely independent, it goes against the grain of me to say “I want a partner in my life”. I don’t feel like I am confident enough now anyway to share myself- what if he sees what’s underneath the clothes and is revolted? What if, even worse, he gets to know me and finds me annoying or needy or inexperienced? So I’m not going to say “I’m looking for love to heal my lonely soul”. Not this year, anyway.

I’m hoping that by doing something new every day for a year it will speak something in me. I’m hoping that by losing weight and becoming stronger in myself I will stop feeling so shit about myself and therefore will start to feel more upbeat.

Half the problem is that I don’t know what to call this something I’m looking for, and I don’t know what I need to achieve it. Success? Self confidence? Money?

I suppose the answer to this one is “I’m not sure how I’m going to accomplish this now, but I’ll think of something”.

The “Everyday” challenge for this month is a simple one to get me started: I’m going to take a photo a day. This means that every day of June I have to do or experience something that it worth taking a photo of!

And here is the photo showing me at the beginning of this project:

Me before Summer Ball Friday 1st June 2012

So let’s get cracking.

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